For as long as I can remember I have never wanted to be me. I have never wanted the name Sara. No one ever spells it right and on top of that I've discovered 7 different spellings that are all pronounced the same. Sara, Sarah, Cera, Zareh (that was my favorite & I won $5 betting on the pronunciation), Carah, Sarrah and Serra. Plus a million trillion bajillion girls have the name Sara, Sarah, ect. I had 5 in my graduating class of 700, at one of the places I worked we had to add on last initials because there was 4 of us at one point and when I started beauty school the other girl who started the same day as me was also named Sara and also spelled it without an H. Then about 6 months in another Sara joined still no H. So I still have to use my last initial. I wish we could just go by last names but I think that's too football or something. I write my last name on everything and don't even bother with the first name. No point really because I don't want it.
In 2nd grade I tried writing different name on my paper. We didn't have a Julie, so I picked that. My teacher called my parents, she made a big deal about it and I just said I hated my name and wanted to change it.
I've always had this problem. My mom told me when I was 18 I could change it. Every time I moved to a new school she was like "just have them call you whatever you want." But no one ever would do it. I was supposed to be named Ivy. So I tacked Ivy onto my name or asked people to call me Ivy and everyone was always like "... why? That's not your name." Obviously, you don't get it. You don't hate your name the way I hate my name.
I've tried rebranding myself as Sara Ivy but every STILL just calls me Sara. So let's go with keeping in my actual name since all you assholes are refusing to cooperate with me when I say "I know my driver's license says this but I want you to call me blah because I go by blah." that we just call me by my initials S.E?
S.E, as in the letter S then the hard E sound (kind of like the nail polish brand Essie) - that's doable right? It's also my pen name. When I write, I publish under S.E Beason (just like it was e.e cummings) because when I first started sending out stuff I wanted to be slightly anonymous but still be me and still make my name famous. Little bit of hubris there but it works. I mean, doesn't everyone want to be famous?
I've grown out of not wanting to be me anymore. I like who I am, I've accepted what I look like (and have become exhausted with trying to change my appearance save for make up and hair) and I've accepted that not everyone is going to like me, even though being dumped on hurts like a mother fucker. These are not things many can say about themselves. I'm over the moon that I am lucky enough to have either given up or come to terms (it changes back and forth daily if not hourly) with myself. But that name thing, the name still has to go. Weird huh?
A lot of being a hair stylist is branding yourself. You will hear that in almost any profession - save like retail because you're selling someone else's brand then so it's not ideal to have your own. But anyways when everyone talks about marketing and branding themselves I guess I just want to be a little bit different. I don't want my brand to be like every one else. I don't want it to be similar. There's no other Coco Chanel except Coco Chanel. There's no one else like Karl Lagerfeld, Betsey Johnson, Ted Gibson, ect. I want that same thing. To be a unique little butterfly in a flourish of pretty things and people.
So if you're wondering where Sara Ivy went... well, she never really existed. But S.E has always been here, she was just kind of hiding and waiting to come out when she was ready. Hello world.