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Tuesday, August 19, 2014

My Time At Beauty School Explained in Jersey Shore GIFS

So I graduated beauty school today. I wrote this a bit earlier, so I'm probably out getting as shitfaced as the Guidos in these GIFS but to explain my time at Beauty School I thought none could do it better than the drama of this horrid reality TV show because that's literally how I felt - like I was trapped in an awful reality show and at any one point someone was going to pop out with a camera and tell me I got punk'd. Only they never did.

Girls kept putting tampons in the toilets...
 THERE'S A HUGE TRASH CAN NEXT TO THE TOILET!
When someone would ask a question and the teacher JUST SAID the answer to their question right before they asked it.
One of the girls came running out of the bathroom because someone "missed" the toilet when pooping.
Us, every Saturday at 8:30am when we were up and not sleeping off our hangovers in order to do people's hair.
This girl said "excuse you" to me in a really snotty way during a conversation, I apparently offended her but I gave her my dirtiest look and informed her very sternly that she was NEVER to speak to me that way and that she needed to be careful who she spoke to like that because someone is just going to ring her bell without warning. She cried.

Any time we'd do a personal service, we'd fuck with each other.
Like saying "Whoops" in the middle of curling or dying their hair.

Us on Saturday Morning after going out the night before.

Whenever someone would ask how to do something for the zillionth time
or
what the answer was to that question on the test AFTER WE ALREADY TOOK IT.
If you don't know the meaning of "Porosity" go look in the damn text book.

I quoted this when I bought my new shears because girls have sticky fingers.
I mean someone stole someone else's lunch, of course they'd take my $200 shears.
YOU KNOW YOU DIDN'T PACK THAT & PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE PUNTA, WHY ARE YOU GOING MAKE SOMEONE ELSE GO HUNGRY? RUDE.
All the girls at every graduation
When they made me do a fingerwave in front of the entire class - AFTER I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THEM & MY INSTRUCTOR HAD TO FORCE ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM.
My reaction when I find out someone failed their State Board test.
My reaction whenever I pass a text.

Wednesday, August 6, 2014

My Life as GIFs from New Girl

The following GIFS apply to my life as if they were pages ripped out verbatim and inserted into the script.


All the time

What my mom says to me whenever I get frustrated with guys

What I want to say to EVERYONE I've ever met while working retail

How I feel

When people comment on the fact that I talk to myself.

Pretty much sums it up

What I say to every guy I date

What I say to my friends when it doesn't work out with a guy

What I say to the bartender 3 shots in after a break up

What I say at home after a break up

EVERY TIME I HAVE MY PERIOD

When I'm so hungry I could kill someone

There are so many more but I was super bored. Enjoy.