Moved Over To Radium Girl

I'm blogging over at Radium Girl. Click the image to be forwarded.
xoxo

Oh Hey, Remember Your Blog?

Well, it's only April so I guess that's not too bad. LOL. Hi guys, I've been neglecting you but really I haven't had much to blog about. Here's a kind of brief update on the last 4 months:

• I went on one date thus far and it was yesterday. It was ok but I couldn't get excited about it. I guess I'm just not into it? 
• My niece didn't end up staying with me and I ended up at my moms - ugh.
• I have been to a concert this year, I'm going to another in September so I'm up one show from last year.
• Still working for Sue. She got surgery so I'm doing her clients while she is recovering. Also working part time on commission for the salon we are at. It's going okay.
• I've kind of become besties with my bosses grandson. It's nice to have a friend and he's gay with a boyfriend who we can both look at guys and not really compete. He lets me know when it's hopeless. LOL.
• Speaking of BFF's, mine came out this last week. We did all sorts of awesome things together including TATTOO'S! We hiked, we saw Brand New, we got tattoo's... yeah that's about it. It was definitely too short and I am going to visit her within the year.

But what I really want and need to blog about is boy problems. So, remember when I was all cray-cray over a guy? Well, it's still kind of a thing in my mind. I've still got a lot of pent up frustration and I keep having dreams about him. My problem is, I don't know how to let it go. I chased him a bit in the beginning but he at least was responding then. Now I message him and I get crickets. So part of it is being ignored that I can't stand. The other part is that clearly, we are both single if we're both on a dating site. I haven't been serious since him, with the exception of a month long fling. I REALLY want to shoot him a message that goes along the lines of:

Ok, so you're not replying so I clearly messed up. But you're still single and I'm still single and maybe the reason we haven't found anyone else is because we are supposed to work it out and the universe is saying "hey guys, get your shit together!" I, personally, do not want to fuck with the universe. 

So let's go get drinks and talk. If after one drink you'd rather chew off your own arm than have to speak to me ever again then you can get up, leave, and I will never bother you again. If I see you on the street I'll won't even say hi (but I will hum Gotye). 

 You can chance it with the plethora of crazy that is on OKC or you can have a crazy amazing night with me; your move. Just know  I'm not going to continue chasing you. I feel like I did that in the beginning and that's not how it should have been and it's definitely not how it should be now. But I go after the things that I want but I don't want to wait around forever.

But I'm going to give him a week to respond to my "hey" message from today. It's borderline crazy but I messed up by playing it safe last time. I'm not about to go that route and after this I am done. I tried and I cannot be faulted for that but I want to be chased not do the chasing. Sheesh!

Happy New Year Bitches

I'm not one of those "a new year a new me" type of people. Nor do I make resolutions for the new year. Every day is an opportunity to start new and a new year isn't any different. So rather than promise myself to do things different I typically reflect on what has happened in the past so I can do better. Let's reflect back on the year shall we?

• I reforged some old friendships and I let friends who were no good to me or for me go. I was not nice about some of it and probably could have handled it better but sometimes there is no other way to put a point across. I decided not to be anyone stepping stone.
• I went to one concert: Against Me at the Roxy and it was glorious. I wish I had gone to more shows. I'm making that a goal for 2015. I think more concerts is a resolution I can keep!
• I moved into my own apartment. It was supposed to be a lot better than it has ended up being. I'm grateful to move out in the coming months and get a new one with hopefully less issues.
• My niece moved in with me in September. So we will be getting an apartment together.
• I graduated from Cosmo School and then got my license. w00t!
• I got an awesome job assisting a woman named Sue whom I've grown to love as well as respect.
• Went on a ton of dates, still single. #ForeverAlone2014

I'd say it's been a good year. Hopefully next year can be a great year. Insert noisemaker noise here.

Dear Daddy, 2014

Today is the 15th nnivesary of your death. So much has happened, so much has changed and you're not here to see any of it. You're not here to help me through any of it. I graduated from cosmetology school and mom's boyfriend was where you should have been. It sucked. I have nothing against Tracy but it should have been you. It always should have been you. For everything.
I understand. I know I say it every year, I say every year that I understand your choice but I hate. I still hate it after 15 years of trying to deal with it. I've read books about cancer patients and I have talked to people with cancer and I know what they say but I still wanted the opportunity to say goodbye.

This year in the media there was an article about a woman who chose to end her life on hr own terms. Her family moved to Oregon, completed a bucket list and then on Nov 1st, she used Oregon's laws to end her own life. We could have done that. You could have made that choice with us and it could have been easier to deal with. I could have prepared mentally or something.

I still cry about you. I wish I could stop. I'm still so mad that I want to reserve my tears for someone deserving of them. I still want to remind you that you'll never hold a grandchild, that you'll never be there for so many things but this year and right now that one kills me. This is what I think about when I see little kid outfits, when my friends are coming up with names I think about what I would name my kid and it just sucks because I want to stick yours in there but how do I explain why I chose to name my kid after my dad who didn't care about me enough to stick around to see me grow up? You could have tried to fight this but you chickened out. I want a warrior for a kid so how could I name my would-be-warrior after a chicken shit who ran from cancer rather than choosing to fight it?

I just miss you. I wish that I didn't want to tear you apart before I would hug you if I ever saw you again. Part of me thinks your decision to end your own life made me that way. That I'd rather fight then show my love, show my weakness because you never fought it.

I don't know what else I could write that I haven't written for the last 14 of these. I just know I'd never do what you did to my family. They come first.

I love you, I miss you; until next year.

Serial Single Sara

I was reading a friends blog because somehow I missed that she had a boyfriend. I mean this guy just randomly started appearing in her instagram photo's and I was like "she was a serial single, what gives?" But I guess, just like myself she dips her toes into the dating pool. She has always been cool in my eyes. Ridiculously gorgeous, talented writer and fun to be around. She has themed birthday parties every year and always goes all out on Halloween.

She found someone who is changing her outlook on love and life. We bonded over our same philosophy of "can't we just date for a while and re-evaluate later?" I always had to have that convo where I was like "Do we have to talk about marriage and kids like we are going to be together forever when we haven't even hit the month mark yet?"

But apparently that whole philosophy has faded away and so I guess I will follow her example and try again. Seems so pointless, so ridiculously pointless and a huge waste of time and energy. But I gotta try I guess.

My mom and my Grams were laying very heavy on the baby talk today. I've been finding myself wanting kids more and more lately. More of that biological clock problem that I never thought was a thing, but oh, it's a thing alright. A terrible, scary, 'da fuq?' kind of thing that just basically jumps out and spooks the shit out of you when you're looking at drooly babies and pictures of chubster kids in cute onesies and thinking about baby names.

"You could name your kid Groucho," my mother says to me after my grams read something from her new computer (it gives her like quotes of the day and news bulletins and all sorts of crap) that was written or said by Groucho Marx.
"I like the name Rowan, it could work for a boy or a girl."
"So make the middle name Groucho so that I can say "hey grouchy" and if your kid complains just blame it on me."
"But what if I have a girl? Groucha?"
"Just name her bitch."

My family ladies and gents! We're hilarious. But then my grams goes with the whole "I guess this won't be in my lifetime" guilt trip and I have to roll my eyes. One thing at a time Grams. Financial stability, then a boyfriend who I hopefully wouldn't mind procreating with and then the babies and spit-up and drool and first smiles and yes lovely names.

Last time I blogged about a guy maybe being a game changer, he ran away so let's not get ahead of ourselves - we are just talking and I am NOT picking out china patterns and the whole naming kids thing was coincidental. But I am talking to a guy and legit talking, not just like "oh hey cutie - sup?" it's actually philosophical stuff like "pie vs cake vs cookie vs brownies vs ice cream: what's better?" and that we both hold psychology degrees so I went all brainiac and nerded out and asked him all sorts of questions about what he likes to study and Maslow and Sternberg and all of this will probably go nowhere but I wish every conversation I have with every guy would go in this direction. Where we would talk and get to know each other through ever evolving and stimulating conversation rather than "come over, lets have sex." Or the other really weird shit I get from dating websites/apps.

Also, tinder is the worst. WTF.

Life Updates

It's been a ridiculously long time since I've updated. Somehow I thought I had a couple posts planned out, but that doesn't seem to be the case.

All that has really happened is that I graduated school (see previous post), I turned 26, went to the casino with my mom and grandma to celebrate both of those events and then the day before I went to State Board to get my license my niece moved in and I've been coping with a new addition to my tiny apartment. Her cat drives me absolutely insane. He's like the worlds porkiest kitty and he is only 4-5 months old. He eats twice as much as my cat and my poor kitty looks like a newborn next to him. It has brought out her playful side so after the week of hissing and hiding they are pretty much besties now. Good for them.

I haven't gotten a job yet. I went on a ton of interviews and it all turned out to be nothing. I've called several places to follow up applications but it was all "sorry, not interested" and that's awful to hear repeatedly. I had a little breakdown over it all because it's been a month since I've gotten my license and nothing is happening.

I don't have any other updates besides this. I need to think of something dramatic to write about but thankfully my life has been significantly drama free.

My Time At Beauty School Explained in Jersey Shore GIFS

So I graduated beauty school today. I wrote this a bit earlier, so I'm probably out getting as shitfaced as the Guidos in these GIFS but to explain my time at Beauty School I thought none could do it better than the drama of this horrid reality TV show because that's literally how I felt - like I was trapped in an awful reality show and at any one point someone was going to pop out with a camera and tell me I got punk'd. Only they never did.

Girls kept putting tampons in the toilets...
 THERE'S A HUGE TRASH CAN NEXT TO THE TOILET!

When someone would ask a question and the teacher JUST SAID the answer to their question right before they asked it.

One of the girls came running out of the bathroom because someone "missed" the toilet when pooping.

Us, every Saturday at 8:30am when we were up and not sleeping off our hangovers in order to do people's hair.

This girl said "excuse you" to me in a really snotty way during a conversation, I apparently offended her but I gave her my dirtiest look and informed her very sternly that she was NEVER to speak to me that way and that she needed to be careful who she spoke to like that because someone is just going to ring her bell without warning. She cried.

Any time we'd do a personal service, we'd fuck with each other.
Like saying "Whoops" in the middle of curling or dying their hair.

Us on Saturday Morning after going out the night before.

Whenever someone would ask how to do something for the zillionth time
or
what the answer was to that question on the test AFTER WE ALREADY TOOK IT.
If you don't know the meaning of "Porosity" go look in the damn text book.

I quoted this when I bought my new shears because girls have sticky fingers.
I mean someone stole someone else's lunch, of course they'd take my $200 shears.
YOU KNOW YOU DIDN'T PACK THAT & PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE PUNTA, WHY ARE YOU GOING MAKE SOMEONE ELSE GO HUNGRY? RUDE.

All the girls at every graduation

When they made me do a fingerwave in front of the entire class - AFTER I HAD A MENTAL BREAKDOWN ABOUT NOT BEING ABLE TO DO THEM & MY INSTRUCTOR HAD TO FORCE ME OUT OF THE BATHROOM.

My reaction when I find out someone failed their State Board test.

My reaction whenever I pass a text.